Jay

Missing maths exam tomorrow… fuck gotta see someone about meds… fuck

apart from exams and shit, the next two weeks will be fun-ish… i hope…

She is the most amazing girl ever… I want her to notice me for me and not what has happened in the past. I dont want her to judge me on how me and adrian act.. and how i act because of his bullshit. it is so fucked….

She wouldnt notice how much i love her… how  much she actually is wanted…

She wouldnt notice that i noticed..

Wh-wh-wh-what did she say?
Mmm whatcha say?
Mmm that you only meant well?
Well of course you did
Mmm whatcha say?
(Jason Derulo)
Mmm that it’s all for the best?
Of course it is

I was so wrong for so long
Only tryin’ to please myself
Girl, I was caught up in her lust
When I don’t really want no one else

So, no, I know I should’ve treated you better
But me and you were meant to last forever
So let me in
(Let me in)
Give me another chance
(Another chance)
To really be your man

‘Cause when the roof caved in and the truth came out
I just didn’t know what to do
But when I become a star we’ll be living so large
I’ll do anything for you
So tell me girl

Mmm whatcha say?
Mmm that you only meant well?
Well of course you did
Mmm whatcha say?
(Whatcha say? Whatcha say?)
Mmm that it’s all for the best?
Of course it is

Mmm whatcha say?
Mmm that you only meant well?
Well of course you did
Mmm whatcha say?
(Whatcha say? Whatcha say?)
Wh-wh-wh-what did she say?

How could I live with myself
Knowing that I let our love go?
And ooh, what I’d do for one chance
I just gotta let you know

I know what I did wasn’t clever
But me and you were meant to be together
So let me in
(Let me in)
Give me another chance
(Another chance)
To really be your man

‘Cause when the roof caved in and the truth came out
I just didn’t know what to do
But when I become a star we’ll be living so large
I’ll do anything for you
So tell me girl

Mmm whatcha say?
Mmm that you only meant well?
Well of course you did
Mmm whatcha say?
(Whatcha say? Whatcha say?)
Mmm that it’s all for the best?
Of course it is

Mmm whatcha say?
Mmm that you only meant well?
Well of course you did
Mmm whatcha say?
(Whatcha say? Whatcha say?)
Wh-wh-wh-what did she say?

Girl, tell me whatcha said
I don’t want you to leave me
Though you caught me cheatin’
Tell me, tell me whatcha said
I really need you in my life
‘Cause things ain’t right, girl

Tell me, tell me whatcha said
I don’t want you to leave me
Though you caught me cheatin’
Tell me, tell me whatcha said
I really need you in my life
‘Cause things ain’t right

Cause when the roof caved in and the truth came out
I just didn’t know what to do
(I just didn’t know what to do)
But when I become a star we’ll be living so large
I’ll do anything for you
So baby watcha say?

Mmm whatcha say?
Mmm that you only meant well?
Well of course you did
(Well of course I did, baby)
Mmm whatcha say?
(Whatcha say? Whatcha say?)
Mmm that it’s all for the best?
Of course it is
(Well, of course it is)

Mmm whatcha say?
Mmm that you only meant well?
(Whatcha say?)
Well of course you did
Mmm whatcha say?
(Whatcha say? Whatcha say?)
Wh-wh-wh-what did she say?

oh and apparently im drunk. how can that be if i havent drunk in like a month? lol

I’m feelin so sick, got up early to perfect my english assignment. gahhh now i just wanna crawl into bed and relax for halfa so i dont feel so dead. I wish that things worked out for me and sarah. I love her so much… She was the best thing I had in my entire life, and now she’s gone. fuck…

Im over fucking up. Im over hurting her.

now ive lost her she cant hurt anymore right?

shes better off without me… if only i realised this sooner… oh wait i did and she said to not worry about it… what a fucken huge mistake. I knew this woulda happened. doesnt matter does it? not anymore. I still love her… i always will… down to the darkest pits of my apparent heart… i hope it all bleeds out.. i hope it goes.. cos tonight theres gonna be blood that flows… blood wasted… blood not needed. fuck i need to escape from here… I got it all planned in my head to end it all… but no one knows no one gives a fuck… my parents are so sick of my apparent “bullshit” for wanting to end my life and wanting to mess up my wrists with cuts… they just dont get the psychology behind it… no one does… unless you’ve been in that state of mind… fuck it

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being a baby